The Beesley Buzz: February 2018

Total Hip Replacement surgery: 4 week post op update

Today is the 4 week anniversary of my new hip. So this brings my recovery blogposts up to date - hurrah!

Overall things are going well. I feel like my muscles are strengthening with the physio exercises each day. I made it out the house for a couple of little walks at the weekend and even got to church on Sunday.

I'm definitely gaining more independence around the house - I'm no longer restricted to using the loo with the height raise fitted but can carefully use the downstairs loo too.

I can wash up and load the dishwasher. I can pick up most items off the floor most the time by doing a 'keeping operated leg straight out behind me whilst bending the other knee manoeuvre'.

I'm still limited when it comes to the shower and need help and also for getting things in and out of low cupboards.

I'm better with meal prep although spending too much time standing up wipes me out and leaves my toes throbbing. My ankles have been very 'clicky' and painful though which i'm hoping is just an adjustment thing and that they will settle down. My left ankle in particular has never been great since my JIA first began but it hasn't been this bad for a long time. Even my knees are playing up when I do my physio excercises and they've always been fine before. I try to get my 2 sessions of more intense physio done in the mornings to get them out the way - the exercises using the bands and ankle weights. And then that leaves two more sets of the initial bed exercises and standing exercises that I still do 4 times per day.

I wish I could get out for a little walk each day but today it's wet again out there like it was yesterday and I find that I'm really fearful of a slip or fall. That's also the reason I am really fearing the school run too when that time comes as there is so much bustle up there with kids running around like crazy that I fear being knocked over.

Some days I feel really optimistic and positive whilst other days I just feel bleugh and today happens to be a bleugh day.

Today I feel nauseous from lack of sleep. I dread the night times and last night was one of those 'looking at the clock every hour' kind of nights. I reckon I managed a couple of hours sleep during the night and then after lying awake for hours afraid to move as I didn't want to disturb Richard as his sleep has been suffering because of me, I finally managed about 30 mins more this morning once he was awake.

So I'm feeling so groggy that I can't even face doing my first set of physio exercises this morning but I will do them because I know I have to.

Granny is back in hospital which is a massive worry for us all - I can see it on Richard's face and the children's faces just how worried they are. I know she will be fine as she's the strongest person I know but it is the not knowing what is causing the problem that is the worry.

My dad is also in hospital right now and because he lives further away visiting him is out the question right now for me so that is another frustration.

Gosh it's all sounding miserable again which I don't think it would have done if I'd written it after a better nights sleep.

I came off all my pain releif meds yesterday except for paracetamol in the evening. Ive only got 1 more week of xarelto (riveroxaban) blood thinners to take and I've found that by taking it straight after dinner around 6pm rather than 10pm, my legs feel less agitated during the night. I'm still feeling the heart palpitations when I lie down but the doctor didn't seem to think that was related to xarelto. Either way I will be glad when I no longer have to take that as then I'll stop the evening paracetamol too and see how I am without that.

Now it's time time to get up and yawn my way through today.

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Here are a few notes from my 3 week milestone which never made it onto the blog yet...(I ended up sticking with the riveroxaban for now after all)

Day 21 - 3 week update - tues 13th feb. pancake day! Physio Pain in ankle - esp left ankle. Given a stick for outdoors. For better balance - standing taller . Indoors ok without anything. Late evening. Loads of clunking in hip with every step. Dr called re switching from riveroxiban to apixaban- not sure what to do. Day 22 weds 14th Feb Took riveroxaban earlier last night and had better nights sleep. Also foot on a cushion after checking with physio to relieve heel sore pain.

Day 15 - Day 18 Post-op: Total Hip replacement surgery

Written on Wednesday 7th February 2018

Last night was horrible. I thought nightimes had got easier so it was an unpleasant surprise to find my legs felt extremely agitated again. Then the panicked feeling struck.

It's not a worry or anxiety but a feeling of darkness sitting on my chest. A feeling like I'm being buried alive and can't breathe. I just want to escape out of my own body.

And when it happens there's no way out - no distraction, no deep breathing seems to make any difference. I have to wait until the feeling passes.

The last time I looked at the time it was quarter to one. Then thankfully I must have slept until 4am.

My right shoulder was painful through the night. Possibly going onto one crutch has put too much pressure on it. I hope it resolves because if I can feel all this discomfort despite being on all the pain relief medication I dread to think what it would be like without pain relief.

Today I've felt tired all day. I didn't brush my teeth til 3pm. I didn't have a shower and get dressed until after that. I think I may have fallen asleep for a bit too.

Why the exhaustion? Possibly the lack of sleep or going for my first “walk” yesterday? Or both?

I'm still feeling really hungry too. Which is weird because I'm burning less calories than ever stuck at home and hardly moving. I dread to think how much weight I've gained these past two weeks - haven't dared stand on the scales yet.

The good news is that the slumber pillow I ordered a couple of days ago has arrived. I know they say a regular pillow will do for putting between your legs to stop the operated leg crossing over (risk of dislocation) but there's something reassuring about having a pillow especially designed for this purpose.

I'm not sure if I will be able to side sleep after all with the painful shoulder but I'm looking forward to giving it a try.

Consultant appointment this evening.

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I've come home from my consultant appointment feeling really pleased. He's very happy with my progress. He said I can even try to walk around the house balancing on furniture in place of crutches but to stay on at least one crutch outdoors to avoid falls or being pushed.

I tried a little “walk” across the kitchen when I got home but it was definitely more of a penguin waddle!

He was happy with the wound and took the dressing off. He said it's fine for it to get wet and just to leave it uncovered now.

I can start to reduce the pain relief as and when I feel ready. I've already dropped pm dose of paracetamol and only take 1 ibuprofen for the two daytime doses. I take maximum of both for my bedtime dose to help at nightime.

He was happy for me to start my magnesium citrate again. From what I can find out it seems the leg jumps / restlessness at night can be quite common post op and so I'm hoping the magnesium may help. Some suggest quinine to help and some say its due to possible iron deficiency as there's often some blood lost during surgery- I only lost an average 600ml but my iron levels aren't great at the best of times as I have a hereditary condition causing smaller than normal red blood cells.

My consultant said I can also side sleep now with a pillow between legs. I tried out my slumber pillow earlier and I think it will take a bit of getting used to.

He said I can try lower chairs as long as it felt comfortable so a lot of the restrictions and worries I had seem to be gradually reducing over time.

I still long for these first 6 weeks to be over and just want to feel normal again.

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Day 18 Saturday 10th February 2018:

Today is the first day that I've waddled less. Although I'm still only doing very short distances inside the house without crutches I feel like I'm walking more and more normally with less of a big waddly limp like I had on Wednesday night when I first tried.

I am still using one crutch for stairs and also when I first get up. Otherwise I feel too stiffened up to walk. If you'd told me on day one or two that I'd be taking steps without crutches within two and a half weeks of the hip replacement I would not have believed it.

Great big positives for today I've managed to sort some dry laundry, finish off a bit of cooking which Richard began. Cut down to 1 ibup and 1 paracetamol first thing and haven't had more since although I will take full dose at night and possibly 1 more paracetamol around dinner time depending how I feel.

The worst of the pain bizarrely comes from bed sores behind my ankles and the swelling under my knee rather than the hip itself. I have felt the wound twinging a bit since cutting down on pain relief.

I've tried my new slumber pillow a couple of times but not through the night. I use it for a short while first thing and for a few minutes before bedtime just to give my back a bit of relief from lying on my back the rest of the time.

Nighttimes still aren't brilliant but certainly better than the early days. I think the magnesium citrate has helped reduce the leg jumps / restless legs. I've noticed my heart feeling tachiocardic at night and so I looked up whether the riveroxiban anticoagulant can cause that and it seems that it can along with reports of anxiety and panic attacks which explains a lot.

I've got another couple of weeks to keep taking them but then hopefully there will be an improvement on that front.

Was in two minds about whether to share this as my "walk" is so ridiculous - like a penguin waddle- but as I'm trying to record the journey to recovery here it is....this was last night after consultant appointment (Day 15 post #thr op). He said I was doing so well that I could start to do a bit without any crutches at home and hold onto furniture to get about (like a toddler cruising round furniture as they learn to walk). So this is me learning to walk for the third time in my life (the second being coming off crutches as a teenager after my jia diagnosis).

A post shared by Rebecca Beesley (@rebeccabeesley) on Feb 8, 2018 at 1:26am PST

Collect moments, Not things.

This blogpost was just going to be an Instagram photo but somehow there was so much more to say that it has become a blogpost.

I'm not a materialistic person- I've never felt the need to have the latest clothes or shoes or gadgets.

So it totally surprised my family just how heartbreaking it was when I was washing up my favourite Emma Bridgewater cup last night and accidentally managed to chip the lip of the cup.

My husband tried to assure me that I could still drink from it despite the chip (but I know it would only upset me more each time I saw the chip).

My kids kept repeating to me over and over that it was just a cup and that it doesn't matter.

Of course in so many ways they are right. But at the same time it showed me that none of my family 'get it' about just why this cup was so important to me.

Of course it's pretty. Stunning in fact. Of course it's amazing for being an Emma Bridgewater cup - an absolute icon of pattern and design. Of course it's practical with its generous size enabling me to have a nice big cup of tea. But none of those things are the reason why I was so upset.

The reason it meant SO much to me was what it represents. That cup was not just a cup. That cup was...

...a collection of moments. Snatched moments amidst the chaos of life. That cup totally epitomized the oh so rare commodity that is called "me time".

At one point I realised that I was so stretched and thinly spread that I was lucky to sit down with a cuppa even once a week, let alone once a day.

I was determined to change that and gradually gradually, one cup of tea a week became two. Then I managed to make time for a daily cuppa and more recently realising how important it was to everyone else to make sure I looked after myself I would even occasionally manage 2 cups of my favourite herbal teas in that gorgeous tea cup. It was a prompt - a daily reminder- "look after yourself" those pretty polka dots would whisper. "Have a nice big cuppa" the generously sized cup would encourage me. "I'm bright. I'm beautiful. I'm here for you whenever life gets too much and to remind you not to let it get too much".

My beautiful tea cup.

I shan't be replacing it. Not immediately anyway. It will give the other tea cups a chance to shine for a while after this one had stolen the limelight for so long. ( And had stolen my heart)

Of course there was no way I was going to bin it though. So it will still sit centre stage and be put to use in another way. Here it is giving the last bit of foliage from my Pod and Pip bouquet a final lease of life as a makeshift vase.

And whilst I do live by the motto of collecting moments and not things, I am grateful to this gorgeous tea cup for the moments it gave me and helping me to understand that I matter.

Sissinghurst Photo Album

It was a glorious Autumn day. It wasn't long before my 40th birthday and because we had such an amazing day, it actually felt like it was my birthday.

Over the years we've been National Trust members at various points in time when the kids were younger, but after feeling that we'd 'been there and done that', we stopped visiting National Trust places for a while.

But on this particularly beautiful Autumn day, Sissinghurst Place felt like the perfect place to visit. We took D and Miss T with us as J had lots of homework on and he said he'd be happier to do that and then spend some time gaming.

We took dozens of photos because the grounds are so pretty especially with all the autumnal flowers showing their stunning beauty. And there the photos sat - stuck on my computer, which soon became the boys computer when the one they used for homework broke. In my fear of never looking at them again, I've pinched back the computer to pick out a few of my favourite photos from that day and get them onto the blog.

So here's my kind of online photo album from that day...

beautiful blue skies and stunning views

Photos taken 24th September 2017.

2 Week update post-op after Total Hip Replacement

Written on Tuesday 6th February 2018

a light flurry of morning snow on 5th Feb

Today is the two week milestone since the total hip replacement operation on my left hip.

After my physio appointment yesterday I had a breakthrough milestone moving onto using just one of my crutches around the house.

It was the first glimpse of getting back to walking again. Until that point I could see no benefit in having had the surgery. My husband would disagree as he would say I'm no longer screaming out in pain at night but as far as how I was walking and moving I had just been feeling so stiffened up and reliant on the crutches that I couldn't see an end in sight.

Now using one crutch feels like progress and gives me the use of an arm back for carrying things and generally gaining a little more independence.

In addition to the 3 bed exercises and 3 standing exercises I've been doing 4 times a day, the physio has given me an additional 3 exercises to do twice a day.

Bridges, clam (lying on my back though) and clam using a theraband.

After starting these additional exercises yesterday combined with the extra effort going into walking with one crutch, today I am feeling utterly wiped out.

how the legs are looking without TEDs on - swelling and bruises still visible

Despite having a reasonably good night's sleep, I've also needed a nap this afternoon. That's not a bad thing in itself as a proper lie down each day is recommended to help reduce the swelling.

I was awoken from my afternoon nap by the phone ringing. It was grandad explaining that granny wasn't able to go on her holiday to South Africa after all. She was due to fly tomorrow and after being rushed to hospital last Friday with heart palpitations we thought she'd been given the all clear to go but it turns out the doctor has advised against it. Feeling gutted for her after looking forward to it for so many months.

Despite feeling groggy I thought it would be good to get some fresh air on a bright sunny day like this so when Richard went on the afternoon school run I went for my first "walk" (albeit with both crutches) and literally only managed a few minutes but progress nonetheless. My hands felt frozen as I hadn't realised just how cold it was. I had to be so focussed to avoid trips or falls and it was interesting how aware I was of all the lumps and bumps on the pavement.

Feeling so hungry today too.

Video of me walking with 1 crutch on day 13....

Day 13 - post THR op. Milestone moment - after physio appointment today i was given go ahead to start using just one of my crutches when at home. Hurrah! Makes all the difference having a spare hand to carry things. I have a vague recollection from my first stint on crutches all those years ago that turning it the other way helps even more to get used to walking unaided again.

A post shared by Rebecca Beesley (@rebeccabeesley) on Feb 5, 2018 at 9:06am PST

Total hip replacement - day 9 and 10 post op

Written on Friday 2nd February 2018

Cake from a friend. So many people have been so kind bringing meals and offering help.

I think I've come to the end of daily updates for the time being as life has fallen into a kind of routine. I'm guessing there will be an update every few days now or possibly moving to weekly updates. Despite feeling like I need help with everything I did manage to fold and put a few items of clothing away once they were taken out the airing cupboard and I managed to take meal out the freezer (made by wonderful friends for us) and get it onto a baking tray and into the oven - even though it did prove rather tricky and I can't even remember how I managed it but somehow I did.

I'm finding certain drawers I can pull open from the edge using my crutches, drop (non-breakable) items into them and then push them closed again with the end of my crutches.

Showers are still very tricky so dry shampoo is my new best friend. I've only managed two showers since being home using a shower chair and lots of help from Richard.

Pockets are also proving useful for carrying my phone with me in case of an emergency when I'm left home alone. I'm acutely aware that a moments lapse in concentration when walking around, going up or down stairs or even forgetting to lie on my back in bed could have serious consequences.

D was brilliant loading the dishwasher with my instructions this evening. If only both boys would be a bit more helpful around the house it would take the pressure if Richard a bit.

Had a scare today with granny bring rushed to hospital. Her focus has been on helping us so much - early starts, late nights and particularly with getting Miss T to where she needs to be for various commitments that her own health is now suffering. Thankfully she was sent home from hospital this evening. Even the boys who are very much at a "whatever" stage with everything else, were mega concerned about granny.

my wound on day 10

This morning was my wound check at the doctors surgery. They are happy that it is healing up nicely. It's been re-covered with a fresh dressing to be checked again next week.

Doing those little chores - however basic they seem - has taken it out of me today as I drifted to sleep in the early evening.

Another wonderful happy thing was seeing one of my best friends yesterday. Richard was out all day at a meeting and so my friend brought me lunch and we had a good couple of hours catching up, chatting and laughing. A real highlight of my day as it's easy to go stir crazy stuck at home like this.

Generally night times are feeling a bit easier - I've come to accept the way I have to sleep and my legs are feeling less agitated at the moment.

I think the stiffness in my legs is easing as the strength builds up again with the 4 sessions of physio exercises I'm doing each day at home.

Although I'm not even at the 2 week mark and I know I need to get to 6 weeks to see the real improvement just the tiny improvements day by day are encouraging and the more I manage to do each day, the better I will feel. Interspersed with plenty of rest of course as I've been warned time and time again not to overdo things during these early days.

2nd Feb - Definitely less swelling under the knee

3rd Feb - Bruising seems to be 'dispersing' / fading

Swelling below the knee - Total Hip replacement: Day 8 post-op

Written on 31st January 2018:

After metaphorically turning the corner yesterday- at least mentally, last night threw us a curve ball.

When helping with getting me changed for bed, Richard noticed a whole lot of swelling BELOW the knee.

Enough to throw me into a nervous panic when he took a photo (I can't swivel, twist or turn for danger of dislocation) and showed me because the difference from the previous day was immense. I started to quiver and shiver uncontrollably and couldn't tell if it was because I didn't feel right or because of the worry about the swelling.

We phoned the hospital for advice and they asked us to go in to see the on-call doctor there. Granny had to come to the rescue to babysit the kids while they were sleeping. By this time it was nearly midnight.

Fed up of having to return to hospital

Thankfully the doctor wasn't concerned that it was DVT so I was able to come home again. By morning, the swelling had reduced a bit so I think it must have been too much time standing, walking and sitting yesterday rather than bed rest that did it.

Today my brain has been feeling ok again - focussed enough to read unlike the early days.

I even managed to sit at the computer for a short while- another post-op 'first'.

Overall a good day compared to how things had been feeling!

Turning the corner after 1 week - Total Hip replacement: Day 7 post-op

Written on Tuesday 30th January 2018

Exactly a week ago (pretty much to the exact time that I'm writing this), I had total hip replacement (THR) surgery.

I was pretty terrified at the time but thought that once I was through the operation the worst would be over.

But I've struggled a lot this past week. I've written up notes each day on my phone that I will post as blogposts as a reminder that it is tough but the turning point does come.

Yesterday was possibly the emotionally toughest when I felt so utterly fed up. You see 6 weeks of rest and relaxation don't sound too bad but when my emotions were making me feel so low and tearful, I couldn't even bring myself to pick up a book or magazine to read. There was no motivation there for even watching the TV.

It's really hard to even pinpoint a reason why. Sure, my body felt rough- still occasionally light headed and faint feeling, general stiffness and soreness around my hip and leg (but not unbearable), unable to get comfortable either sitting or lying down. But that wasn't it.

I think the biggest sense of discomfort came from a horrible agitated feeling in my legs. Like I just wanted to get up and give them a good stretch, I wanted to lie on my front and stretch my hips, to do some yoga poses to start to feel right again but knowing I couldn't do any of that as I'd dislocate my new hip if I even tried.

So then came a panicked trapped feeling and a sense of having a 6 week to 3/4 month life sentence in front of me until such time as I MAY be able to do some of those things again.

This morning felt different. I awoke to a bright frosty sunny day and things just felt better. My legs feel less stiff, less agitated. I suddenly feel motivated. I've been experimenting with taking just one or two steps using just one of my crutches and although I think it's still some way away to move to that properly, I remember well from my teen years the freedom that comes from only using 1 crutch instead of two.

I've even been able to laugh at myself today- Miss T thinking I'm amazing by opening the curtains using my crutches as I can't bend or reach over that far (I even used them to flush the loo in hospital as I couldn't twist around - I wonder what she'd make of that if she knew). I can now laugh at myself about how I have to march on the spot as I turn to avoid twisting or swinging the leg around - it reminds me so much of how a cyberman walks- especially as its accompanied by the characteristic clickety noise of the crutches too. Hilarious! Yet a matter of a day or two ago I would have burst into tears at the thought of how I'm walking like a cyberman.

Miss T and daddy are up at GOSH today for her podiatry appointment- hoping to get answers to the mystery of the shrinking foot! I had been feeling terrified of my first day alone at home but this morning I woke up looking forward to it.

I even asked them to get my laptop plugged in before they left as I'm feeling that for the first time in over a week, I may be able to sit long enough to use it. I may not get around to using it but at least I'm feeling motivated enough to have considered it.

I even have a magazine to read and a book downloaded on my phone to read and I feel motivated enough to do so.

My physio exercises have felt a little easier today. Still a bit of hip clunking which I wish wouldn't happen but hopefully the physiotherapist may give some answers to that at my appointment next week.

So that is my morning so far - a feeling positive happy kind of morning and a far cry from the past week where I cringe at how moany I had become!

UPDATE on Miss T: Still no answers. Still officially a mystery. GOSH have requested another MRI of her left foot. Given her new insoles and measured her feet with moulds for specifically moulded insoles.

Total Hip Replacement Surgery: Day 5 Post-op

These two 'visiting' me when I'm resting in my room

I'm determined to get these posts up from the early days and things have got better so here's what I'd written up on day 5 post-op on the 28th January 2018...

Yesterday afternoon and evening a weird clunking began in my new hip joint. No-one had warned me about this but Google tells me it's normal- especially in the first 6 or 7 weeks.

There isn't pain associated with the clunking but it is a horribly weird sensation.

Last night was a much better night compared to my first night home where I struggled so much.

In the evening my legs felt extremely agitated again. I had prepared myself mentally for experiencing pain but this discomfort and agitation is not something I was expecting. It makes me feel trapped in a body I just want to escape from. I want to start stretching and twisting to make it feel better but I know that is not an option due to the risk of dislocation.

the dressing is brilliant as it is waterproof - hoping wound is healing well

I am desperate to be able to lay on my front to stretch my body out. At the moment I feel all hunched and scrunched up. Again not something I had expected as I had thought it was the arthritis in my hip that was putting everything else out of alignment and right now I feel more unaligned than ever. That's frustrating. My fear is that I'll have to live with a compromise of getting rid of the arthritic joint but living with other restrictions instead. I just have to keep trusting in what I see and hear of other people's successful hip replacements and believe that one day that will be me.

It feels like a slow road right now. Like a prison sentence. Not being able to get outdoors has affected my mood and I feel so low. Possibly a side effect from some of the drugs I'm on too. It's just not me - I don't feel any motivation to do ANYTHING. Even the things I'd set aside as little pleasures to do doing my recovery - sorting out recipes from my magazine collections, reading books I've never had time to read, perhaps a spot of blogging or sorting out photos. I can't even muster the motivation to play board games with the kids and I dislike myself for it.

I keep being told that it's early days - that it's only 5 days since I had major surgery but I just don't feel like I'm making enough progress to see a positive end in sight. Again I have to trust the road that others have travelled and believe that it will get better whether I feel like it or not at the moment.

I'm sick of my own whinging and negativity. If it was someone else in my family feeling this way I would have little sympathy and tell them to pull themselves together. Even though I know it doesn't work that way.

So onto a positive...even though I can't get comfortable sitting or lying down- I have managed to sit through episodes of 'One Foot in the Grave' - it's a programme I've loved for many many years and it's given us such laughs re-watching old episodes.

Another positive...last night was so much better than the previous night. I'd accepted that I would need to sleep propped up with pillows and that I'd need a light on (On the rare occasions when panic attacks have happened before, being in complete darkness has been a trigger). I managed a whopping 3 and a half hours unbroken sleep. Waking up at 2.30 for a walk around my bedroom. That felt an epic amount of sleep compared to the previous night. Then I managed a couple more bursts of sleep until we got to 5.30am and that to me meant I had made it to morning. In the early hours of the morning I even went down to one pillow for a while and lay flatter. I'm hoping it will gradually become more and more comfortable to do so.

the bruising is travelling down to behind my knee

Since the spinal wore off on day 1 I had sore ankles - behind my ankle. At first I thought it was where they had clamped me for the op but the anaesthetist said they hadn't clamped my foot. So I am guessing it is more of a bed sore kind of pain. That soreness became stronger through the night but I guess that figures as I slept more. Will need to change my TED stockings today so that may help - am supposed to change them daily but it's a job I need complete and utter help with so we've left it until today to tackle it.

the process of changing TED stockings - Left thigh definitely looking swollen now.

Apologies for the far-from-nice pictures - but I wanted this to remain an accurate and honest account of the recovery process.

Total Hip Replacement Surgery: Day 4 post-op

Written on Saturday 27th January 2018

Last night was my first night home from hospital. Of course it is great to be home with my family. But I hadn't realised just how much harder things would be in a regular bed rather than an adjustable hospital bed.

Firstly the instinct to just want to snuggle up and curl up under the duvet in my normal sleeping position (on my side) was so strong. I couldn't imagine how I was going to stay sleeping on my back all night so I surrounded myself with rolled up towels and pillows either side.

Lying down flat my back immediately began to hurt. My hips felt 'overstretched' at the front. I tried putting pillows under my knees. That relieved the pain in my lower back but then it occured to me that it could affect blood flow and as DVT is a risk despite wearing TED socks and being on anticoagulant blood thinners, I began to worry about whether it was ok to sleep like that. We phoned the hospital ward - they said no - it's not good for the hip to be in that position.

I explained my dilemma about how the hospital beds had been supporting my back because I didn't ever lie it totally flat. They suggested propping myself up with pillows. So through the night the little pockets of sleep I did get were either almost sat upright or propped up.

I even got up several times and walked around the bedroom to ease the agitation in my legs. The pain relief isn't totally agreeing with me - I think being sent home on ibuprofen rather than diclofenac is making me feel a bit dizzy and a weird feeling in my stomach despite taking omeprazole along with it.

I remember waking up at midnight, then being awake again at 2, 3 and 4am. I had to put a light on and sleep with it on for a while after a full blown panic attack in which I just wanted to escape out of my own body. I've only experienced them very rarely in the past when pregnant or in a very dark room. However much I tried to breathe calmly or think mind over matter I just had to wait until the worst of that horrible feeling passed.

People keep asking me about the pain i'm in. Bizarrely it's not actual pain that's the issue- it's a kind of discomfort and agitation. I can't get comfy sitting or standing. In fact, despite the stiffness, swelling and bruising around the hip and thigh, walking (on my crutches) is the most comfortable thing at the moment. I know from previous experience that when I can go from two crutches to one, that will feel like a breakthrough as it will leave a hand free for carrying things about.

In terms of adaptations and changes to our home, we've got raised toilet seats- one from the hospital and one on loan from granny from when she had her knee replacement. A grip rail around the toilet - again on loan from granny but has proved invaluable.

I've also been given a 'helping hand' grabber from the hospital which helps me be able to reach for things when no-one else around as bending is not permitted. No movement beyond 90 degrees is permitted as it can dislocate the joint.

We've swapped sides of the bed so I can get in and out on my operated side which is what they recommend.

We've just ordered a bedside cabinet which is taller than a chair I currently use as a bedside table as that should help me be able to reach for any essentials I need.

Despite his own excruciating knee pain, Richard had managed to take Miss T's armchair downstairs. It feels too low to be comfortable even when I try additional cushions to raise the seat. So I'm finding it easier to use a dining chair to sit on as long as it is alongside the arm chair so I've got something to push down on to get up. At the moment the shower chair (also lent to us by granny) is downstairs as it is height adjustable and has arms so has given me a different place to sit at times in the midst of feeling uncomfortable the whole time.

So once again I ask myself based on how I'm feeling today... do I regret having the procedure done and sadly the answer remains yes. I'm still very conscious it is early days and SO many people say they are so happy with their new hips that I remain confident of that turning point coming. I just pray it will be sooner rather than later.

Its all about YOU - Simpson Travel Ambassador search

Simpson Travel are on the search for family travel ambassadors. And as a family who loves to travel and who places such high value on the treasured time we have together during our family holidays, we wanted to write about exactly what excites and inspires us about Simpson Travel.

I could write about how they have an amazing selection of boutique hotels, villas and apartments. I could write about how their stunning destinations make me giddy – beautiful picturesque places, totally postcard perfect and Instagram-worthy – yet within easy flying distance of the UK making it perfect for travelling with children. I could also tell you about how you can search by holiday type so if you want the perfect place for your honeymoon or an adult-only break, they have a perfect spot for that. Or if you want a villa perfect for a large group, there is a selection of those too.

But instead I’m going to tell you what struck me most about Simpson Travel. And explain why that means so much to us.

At my first glace at the Simpson Travel website I noticed how the focus was different from other travel websites. Often travel providers will boast about their credentials and show off about how great they are. Yet Simpson Travel turn that on it’s head. Sure, they have loads they could boast about but as a family run business who pride themselves on going the extra mile instead of taking shortcuts, what I was most impressed about was that they begin with YOU.

It’s all about finding the perfect holiday for you – and that can be different for each person or family. Simpson Travel recognise that.

Our family holidays are a big important part of our lives and it’s so important to us to get it right. When we’ve tried to get advice in the past when booking a holiday, there is often little time spent listening to and understanding our needs as a family. As so we end up frustrated and disappointed when we find ourselves buried under a pile of holiday brochures with plenty of choice but little input to guide us towards the destinations or accommodation that would most suit our family.

I get the impression that it wouldn’t work like that with Simpson Travel – I was excited to see they have a team of travel specialists who know the locations and accommodation inside out. And they have their overseas team to help you whilst you’re away too. The phone number so readily available on the website was another big sign of encouragement. How many organisations are there these days where you can readily and easily find a phone number and be able to have a chat with them to find the right solution for you.

If you really are stuck on where to begin they have a ‘be inspired’ section and it drills right down to families including handy tips ontravelling with children.

All this tells me this is a company who really understand!

A family of five - we need a holiday that 'fits'

Five years ago we became a family of five when Miss T was born (2 adults and 3 kids) we found that the already difficult decision of finding the right family holiday became even harder. Time and time again just when we thought we’d found the right holiday we found it was only suitable for a family of 4. We even find with UK hotel stays that we often have to book two separate rooms as generally most places tend to accommodate families of 4. Being in separate rooms is not great for what is supposed to be bonding family time together. Another frustration!

Whether its a beach location...

...or idyllic countryside

So I was very very excited to see that Simpson Travel have Villas and Apartments that can accommodate far more than the usual 4 people. There was plenty of choice of Villas sleeping 5 or 6 and an apartment which can accommodate up to 6. How perfect this would be for our family!

Exploring their website further, I found that some places have an “annex for grandparents” – We’ve holidayed with granny before, so again – perfect.

Miss T and granny on holiday

They have “Villas of all shapes and sizes” and it appears that even some of the hotels are suitable for larger families. Something that is virtually unheard of in our experience. Two of their locations boast creche facilities. We’ve always preferred to spend holiday time together as a whole family but I can definitely see the appeal of a creche option for people with younger kids.

Where the grown-ups can relax and re-charge too

holidays are for precious bonding time between siblings

And then I saw the sentence “Your family’s perfect fit” and I just wanted to cry. Because that is exactly it when it comes to trying to find a great holiday each year – it is a struggle to find a perfect fit for our family and there never seems to be anyone with sufficient knowledge, experience or willingness to go the extra mile to help us find the right place.

And why is it SO important to us to get it right. After all it is only a short while that you’re away so surely it doesn’t matter if things don’t turn out quite so perfect. Well it does matter to us. It matters hugely – It might only be a week, 10 days or a fortnight’s holiday but it gives a lifetime of memories.

We're looking for adventures and memories that will fill us with wonder

Memories that we will treasure for ever. Memories that our children will look back on throughout their lives. We want them to experiences places and people and wonders that they will want to one day tell their children about in future. Unforgettable, beautiful, wonderful memories.

So we are pleased that Simpson Travel focus on “you” (or “U”) first and foremost. The U is so important that it came up again and again at Simpson Travel in the form of the words Unique, Unspoilt and perhaps most importantly for us... Unforgettable.

We’ve made a little video to show just how important our unforgettable memories are for us.

One last word, in case all that wasn’t enough to excite and inspire us about Simpson Travel, we were blown away by the good causes that they support. It’s something we’ve always believed in whether it has been the children living in poverty that we’ve sponsored over the years, giving to other causes close to our hearts like JIA and Autism, or simply helping others in their time of need by giving a little help towards their groceries or towards healthcare costs or equipment when it has been most needed. So it makes us all the more happy when we can take our custom to other organisations who believe in giving back too.

A few of our holiday memories - Memories to treasure forever.

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