“Autumn carries more gold in its pocket than all the other seasons.” *

I'm so pleased to see the striking mums linky back at Kate on Thin Ice. This seemingly straightforward linky actually manages to somehow stir something deep inside and gets my brain in a reflective deep-thinking contemplative zone in a way other blogposts don't. I think of it as a kind of therapy to think through thoughts that have been locked away - in some cases for many years.

The topic this time is 'showing your true colours' inspired by the colours of autumn all around us. This has set off a thought process in my mind and exactly where it will lead, I'm not yet sure, so I have started to type in the hope of unravelling some of those thoughts.

The idea behind striking mums is about celebrating ourselves as mums and taking time to do things for ourselves, so I will end on a positive note - I know that much so bear with me.

Autumn is one of those seasons that has immense beauty as nature changes all around us. The vibrant colours of the leaves. The autumn sun streaming through the trees. Until a couple of weeks ago, hedgerows bursting with beautiful autumn berries. Harvest time for fruit and vegetables galore.

And then it all changed. The change of the hour with the end of October clock change brought with it darkness and gloom. Dusk arriving before we were ready for it each day. The sunshine struggling to break through the mist and clouds. The colourful scrunchy crunchy leaves that just a couple of weeks ago were perfect for kicking and throwing up in the air now lay in damp decaying piles. Surrounded by a mildewy mouldy smell. Sunflower heads that had been looking upwards towards the sun, now turned silver-grey and drooping down looking sad.

And my mood seemed to shift too. The lack of sunshine left my days feeling dreary and miserable. I seemed to lose all motivation for pretty much everything. From the moment the kids woke up in the morning, I started to count the hours until bedtime desperate for them to be out the way so I could have some peace. (I normally love being around my kids so this wasn't like my usual self at all).

Eating well went out the window too as my lack of motivation crept into all areas of my life....I didn't want to cook, or clean or go shopping.

Of course, it isn't just autumn to blame. Life is complicated and there are things that affect people that can't be blogged about but the timing seemed to coincide with the darker damper autumn days reflecting how I was feeling.

Then this week I knew things had to change. With the routine of school and preschool kicking in again after half-term, I started Monday morning as I meant to go on. An online shopping delivery of decent ingredients I could cook with instead of reaching for the junk food as we had been. Getting outdoors to get some fresh air. And starting to sort through some household clutter.

I started to feel a little more like me.

Yesterday I carried on the good start I made by fitting in just a short 20 minute slot for my own highly neglected physio exercises. It did the world of good as I felt so much better for it. Miss T's doctor and hospital appointments fill up so much of our diaries that it is easy to overlook the importance of my own health.

And I've started looking again. I'm searching for the gold in the season again. Because I know it's there. And gold, like anything that sparkles, does so by reflecting light. There has to be some light to see the gold, whether that be a little ray of sunshine through the trees making the leaves shine and shimmer with gold, or whether the light is in the form of me keeping a positive mindset, making some time for myself so that I can look for, and see, the gold in this season.

*title quote by Jim Bishop