Each time I sit down to write my groovy mums post - I never know quite where my words and thoughts will lead me and sometimes it is enough to ponder without coming to any conclusions as such.
This weeks theme is about the Fairground. Seemingly innocent enough. Or is it.
I think of a Fairground in two ways - one is a candy floss filled place of fun, family, laughter. I visualise it in my mind in pastel colours expanding from the candy floss pink colour. I imagine soft lights like one might imagine surrounding a mirror and just a sense of childlike fun.
The other is a sinister themed fun fair. I see vivid red, yellow and gold colours. Chipped and peeling paint off eerie looking carousel horses. Music playing that goes beyond fun and verges on annoying. Those smilers from Doctor Who springing up when least expected. Rides that are beyond scary designed to make you feel sick with fear.
So depending on which route I take, this post could go in any direction.
Here's Kate's prompt in a bit more detail to help me:
It is an exciting place but the only issue is that you only have a limited time to enjoy it and nobody is going to tell you exactly how long. Which rides will you choose? What gambles will you take? Will you overcome your fears to take on the really scary stuff? Will you stop for some food and if so, what type of food and drink will you choose? You might be lucky and win a huge cuddly toy but what I do know is that you should prepare for some ups and downs.
You could of course choose not to go into the fairground entrance but where would the fun be in that?
1. It is an exciting place but the only issue is that you only have a limited time to enjoy it and nobody is going to tell you exactly how long.
I often ponder whether we humans really do ever get this. I know that I don't like to dwell on the idea that we are not going to be here forever and if we start to think about it too much, then I guess fear could get the better of us. But sometimes I do stop and question myself about whether the life I am living day to day reflects the uncertainty that is life.
Often the answer is no. On the one hand I do try to cram in as much as possible into life to avoid having regrets, on the other hand, that leaves me with less time to just 'be' and enjoy each moment as I rush from one thing to the next.
2. Which rides will you choose? What gambles will you take? Will you overcome your fears to take on the really scary stuff?
When I am at an actual fairground (or more likely to be a theme park visit these days), I actually avoid any rides that I know I will find terrifying. It is not because of fear but more a choice I make by showing I don't have anything to prove so why would I want to go on a ride that I don't enjoy.
I know in life, there is definitely a place for feeling the fear and doing it anyway as they say. So I have found myself being aware of situations that I may want to say no to just to take the easy way out and then challenge myself to go for it to overcome my fears. But for me, the fairground isn't the place for doing that.
3. Will you stop for some food and if so, what type of food and drink will you choose?
I guess food can represent all kinds of nourishment and I know that I've fallen into negative habits again this year when it comes to food. Last year things felt so easy - I kicked the sugar habit and really enjoyed looking forward to nourishing nutritious meals.
This year, 2 months of poor health with arthritis flare ups, sciatica and becoming housebound for part of that time, left me in a low mood. The pain caused (and still continues to cause) fatigue like I had never experienced before. That left me feeling even more useless. This cycle has led to me eating junk food and convenience food and not looking after myself properly. I know this needs to change and I know I need to start afresh with the knowledge that I have done it before and so I will do it again.
In terms of spiritual nourishment, I have never gone back to Church properly in the past few years and stubbornly refused to read my bible - when deep down I know that for things to change, this is something I need to make the decision to do and make time for it.
4. You might be lucky and win a huge cuddly toy but what I do know is that you should prepare for some ups and downs.
As the saying goes, the only certainty is uncertainty so I guess it is about enjoying the ups, appreciating them even more because of having had the down moments too. And knowing through the difficult times that there is still something to learn from the experience.
I love the mention of the huge cuddly toy. It reminds me of how so often in life we can desperately want something, almost believing that if only we could have that one thing it would make us happy. And just like that big cuddly toy, even if we were to win it, once we have it we wonder whether it was really worth it. Spending all those pounds on lots of goes at the fair, on a game where the odds are manipulated to be against you. Only to win a toy which from a distance looks amazing but up close, you notice the dirt marks of it hanging there on that stall for months, the low quality feel to it, and how impractical to have to get it home and then find somewhere to put it. Suddenly you realise the thing you thought you wanted so much, and you thought would bring you happiness isn't all that you thought it would be.
I know there are times when I've told myself, 'once this happens...' 'If only I had...' 'when I get...' and the reality is that even if and when those things happen, they may not prove to be all I hoped they would be and so I'm learning it is far better to be content with the 'now' - whatever that looks like with all it's messiness and uncertainty.
5. You could of course choose not to go into the fairground entrance but where would the fun be in that?
I touched on this before with deciding which rides to go on. I think sometimes it is just as important to be able to walk away from something or say no when something doesn't quite feel right. A friend of mine once told me to trust my gut instinct as it is rarely wrong. It can be so tempting to say yes to things thinking they are wonderful opportunities and sometimes so much can come out of saying yes to something new and different instead of saying no out of fear.
But learning to say no is important and difficult - Something I still struggle with often.
I suppose it is about discerning which of those two scenarios of fairground you are being invited to enter - the innocent childlike candyfloss and fun fairground or the sinister smiler-filled 'something is not quite right' fairground.
Linking up with Kate On Thin Ice's Groovy Mums:
One last thing...Kate challenged us this week to ask for help and to treat ourselves. I texted a friend to arrange to meet up - not so much for help but the last time we met it was in a busy noisy place with the kids around so I wanted her to know that I missed chatting with her properly and I know it will help me to meet up and chat with her. Secondly I treated myself to a morning of baking - Something I haven't found much time for lately and have struggled to do with my back pain. So I set aside a big chunk of time without worrying about anything else but to enjoy baking at my own pace and I thoroughly enjoyed it.