On a day like this...

On a day like this, his younger brother says "I wish I wasn't in this family" and it breaks my heart.

On a day like this, I think to myself "I never realised that I'd signed up for this when I became a mum".

On a day like this I want to tell those staring faces that I'd like to see how they'd cope with him 24/7.

On a day like this, I want to tell them that I need a break...everyone needs a break from this.

On a day like this, I want him to wear a sign that tells others it is not 'bad behaviour'. Yet...

On a day like this, I feel angry at him because of his bad behaviour.

On a day like this nothing seems to work - consequences, punishments and rewards have no meaning to him.

On a day like this, he won't even remember what he has done after the meltdown.

On a day like this, the word meltdown is a major understatement.

On a day like this, I wonder what his future will hold.

On a day like this, I wish my mum was around to hold me and tell me it will all be alright.

On a day like this, I am physically and emotionally drained.

On a day like this, I feel guilty that I have no energy left for my other children.

On a day like this, I curl up and cry when the meltdown is over.

On a day like this, I think why? why? why?

On a day like this, I vow that I'll handle it better next time...but I know I won't because I don't know how.

On a day like this, I peek into his room and watch him sleeping...and I remember...I remember the thing I wish everyone understood, I remember the thing that I, of all people, should know... I remember that his brain is wired differently and it is NOT HIS FAULT.

I love you Joshua and I just wish I knew how I could help you better on days like this. x