They had a link to an article on The Huffington Post, entitled 'The mom stays in the picture' and it has set me on a mission to find how many pictures there are with me and my children that actually reflect the true day to day me of how I look 99% of the time. Let's face it, with three children, one of whom is a baby, one on the autistic spectrum and with the two older ones homeschooled, I barely find the time to even brush my hair, let alone blow-dry or straighten it! My contact lenses only actually make it anywhere near my eyes on very special occassions. And as for make-up - what make-up? I have had the same make-up kit I had as a teenager, as having been used so little since having children, it has lasted so long!
I looked through all the photo albums we have of when the children were younger and looked through a fair few of the digital snaps we have on the PC and whilst there are some with me with each child at Christmas and on Birthdays (less and less as time has gone on though), I couldn't find any of me in 'normal' state.
I was all set to put a 'normal, day to day me' piccy up but could not find one so have asked my son to take a picture today.
And if you compare it to my 'hair tidy, contact lenses in, make up on' public face you'll see on my facebook profile...you'll see what I mean.
I am still kicking myself when a week ago, for my birthday, one of my son's had gone out with granny and secretly bought me two little glass swans - a mummy swan and a little swan to represent him and me - and as he snuggled in whilst I was opening it, daddy went to take a photo and I snapped 'no photos today'. Why oh why did I say that. I was having a day of feeling ugly inside and out and my ugly behaviour reflected it. I just SO wish I had let him take those photos and if I didn't like them, then I just wouldn't have to look at them again but at least my son would be able to look at them in future and it would trigger what should have been a really happy memory of giving me that special present.
I take lots of photos of my children because they are so precious to me, and yet I never realised until today that actually I am really precious to them too (and I'm sure there is a lesson for me to learn here about wanting to be a good role model for our children not to judge by appearances, then I need to learn not to judge myself by appearance in terms of being selective about when to appear in photos!)
After all, as Allison Tate rightly points out in her Huffington post article, we have no idea how long we are going to be around for our children. When I lost my mum 10 years ago, I dug out and spent hours looking at EVERY single photo I had of her. She died very suddenly and unexpectedly one day and I wished so much that I had more photos of her. I remember having an unfinished film in the camera and I wished so hard that there would be one more picture that I had forgotten about but when I developed the film, there was not. The value of each photo became priceless to me because each photo unlocked a memory...
...I found photos of her and me as a baby when she celebrated my birthday each MONTH until I was a year old (how amazing is that?), and then went to the norm of having an annual birthday party like most people do.
...I found photos of me and her with flowers. She loved flowers. Whenever there were fresh flowers in the house it represented a photo opportunity for her regardless of how she looked. Why oh why did I not buy her flowers every week whilst she was still with us!
...I found photos of her with her yellow mini. Her favourite car because it was yellow (her favourite colour) and she could fit it into the smallest of parking spaces.
Each photo is like a key, a key that helps unlock that memory. And I have decided that from today, I am going to leave my children with a big bunch of keys to unlock those precious memories with when I am no longer here.
Fab post - I totally hate the camera so v few photos of me. Really made me think how silly I am about it.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment Mums make lists, I have decided to make that change - but it is going to be hard to do because i automatically make sure i am out of the picture so it is going to take more effort to stay in the picture! x
DeleteI so related to this post a few months ago, i have no idea what changed but now i am going through a phase of i dont care, take me as you find me!
ReplyDeletethat's really the best way isn't it - the take me as you find me approach. thanks for stopping by. x
DeleteI am so glad that I read this today, i didn't really take in this article on Huffington post at the time but it's very true. I have hardly any photos of me, certainly not recently (as I get older!) and if someone does take them, I often delete them cos i don't like how I look. For starters that's vain and now I realise it's also pretty selfish. As you say, we don't know if we will be around forever. Thanks for linking :)
ReplyDeletethanks for your comment Suzanne. I think linking it up with Oldies but Goodies has reminded me again as I have found I have been hiding behind the camera again lately and not in front of it. x
DeleteWhat a lovely post! I'm different from you - and from most women I think - in that I look the same all the time. I don't have a 'best' me. I never wear make-up and never straighten my hair and don't have clothes for special occasions. I've always liked to have photos of myself with the kids, so hopefully I'm leaving lots of memories behind! I recently got a bit obsessed with photos of my late FIL, who died when my husband was 13. We have so few photos of him, which is really sad. All of the photos are on holiday and most of them he isn't wearing a top! Not the real him, I think!
ReplyDeletethanks so much for your comment. I don't tend to have a 'best-me' day to day but for some reason for photos I tend to worry about how I look more. thanks for popping by. x
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